Episode 10 Show Notes. Being Kind to Me: Self-Compassion with John Kinyon

How kind are you toward yourself? Do you treat you as well as you would treat your child or best friend?

For some people, compassion toward oneself seems more difficult to practice than compassion toward others. Yet we can all learn to act in a kinder way toward ourselves.  John Kinyon has been working for decades on how to increase compassion and self-compassion in the world through his Nonviolent Communication-based mediation and conflict resolution work.

In this discussion we bridge the worlds of spirituality, conflict resolution, physiology and psychology, exploring the ways in which we fail to be kind to ourselves and what it means to be self-compassionate. John shares with us a concrete tool we can use daily to shift ourselves out of blame and shame and into acceptance and care.


What John and I talk about

  • Key components of compassion and self-compassion
  • How current research defines self-compassion
  • The critical importance of taking action in self-compassion
  • How self-compassion is an antidote to the fight-flight-freeze response
  • The role of empathy in creating kindness toward others and ourselves
  • How to avoid the seductive shame/blame/punishment way of thinking
  • Bringing self-compassion to harsh or critical internal voices
  • How to shift from not wanting to be kind to yourself, to wanting to be kind to yourself
  • A process to use when you are hard on yourself over a past event or action, or just feel yucky about something that has happened
  • How being compassionate toward ourselves is a contribution to the world

Notable Quotes

“I want the world to be a more compassionate place where people are being kinder to each other, and I realize that so often I skip the step of doing it with myself…I find it so important or even essential to make sure I’m doing the best to start with me.”

“It’s one thing to say be kind or compassionate, but it’s another thing to do it.”

“The more I’m giving myself compassion the more I can give it to others.”

About John

John is the co-founder, along with Ike Lasater, of Mediate Your Life. He mediates conflict and trains people in communication and conflict resolution skills, specializing in NVC mediation—applying the language, skills and principles of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to mediating conflict within oneself, with others, and helping others who are in conflict. John has mediated conflicts in a wide variety of contexts, including couples, family, community, business, legal contexts and institutions. He professional background is in academic psychology and psychotherapy.

Over the past 8 years, John has led international trainings and year-long immersion programs in the U.S., Europe, Australia, and South Korea. He has been a trainer of the international Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) since 2000, and has studied and worked closely with NVC founder Marshall Rosenberg. John is also a co-founder of the Bay Area NVC organization (BayNVC).

Find John Online


John’s Gift for the AI Adventures Club

John created a recording of a short mindfulness-based practice of self-connection that integrates components of self-compassion. Listen repeatedly to increase your self-compassion and integrate this practice into your awareness during the day to shift out of thoughts of wrongness, blame, and judgment.

If you would like to receive this gift, sign up for the free AI Adventures Club by entering your email address on the form on the top right of the page, or by clicking here!


Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion: http://www.self-compassion.org/

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