These are all types of internal conflict, where two or more internal voices, or parts of you, have different views. If you aren’t taught a process to work through these internal conflicts, the result can be fighting against yourself, using willpower to power yourself through decisions, and beating yourself up about what you did in the past in an effort to change your behavior in the future.
How can you end this eternal internal fight? Ike Lasater shares how to work with these internal conflicts so that you have a more harmonious inner experience.
The perspective that this type of internal mediation comes from is that all of your internal voices, regardless of how difficult they are to hear or how ineffectively they communicate, are all present to support your wellbeing. Your job is to uncover what they really care about and want for you. When you can do this, these parts of you can collaborate to make decisions. The result is more of you in alignment with the action you are taking.
This is a long episode: approximately the first half is my conversation with Ike, the rest is Ike taking me through an Internal Mediation to work on an internal conflict I had about being on a restricted diet for my health.
What Ike and I talk about
- The idea of different parts of oneself and brain science supporting it
- How the tenets of Nonviolent Communication help us connect with internal voices
- Ways internal conflict shows up in our lives, particularly around health
- How internal conflict and external conflict are related
- Why it’s important to meet all parts of ourselves and not push them away
- How the typical language of the internal critic tends to decrease effectiveness
- An example of working through an internal conflict regarding diet
“I haven’t found a minor [conflict] yet, I haven’t found a little thing to work on because they’re all tied to these really important deep things that go on in us.”
“There are different parts of me and if I try to push a part of me away it will come back more strongly.”
“The internal conflicts we have are also drivers of our external conflicts.”
Ike Lasater is co-founder of Mediate Your Life, a training company dedicated to helping people gain the skills to use every conflict they are in as an opportunity for connection. Ike teaches and coaches individuals and organizations in communication and conflict resolution skills, and has extensive training in Nonviolent Communication with Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D, founder of NVC, and served on the board of directors for the Center for Nonviolent Communication for six years. Ike has facilitated workshops across the US, in Australia, and in various countries in Europe and Asia. Prior to his work with NVC, Ike was a trial lawyer in San Francisco. The vision of Mediate Your Life is a world in which we are able to respond to the challenges we face and thrive.
Find Ike Online
Ike’s Gift for the AI Adventures Club
Your gift is an audio recording of Ike working through a personal conflict between two internal voices using the Internal Mediation process, with the help of his colleague John Kinyon. Plus: Two handouts, one outlining the Internal Mediation process (for when you have a present or future decision to make), and the other outlining the Chooser Educator process (for when you are beating yourself up for a past action).
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